My Wife Wants Me To Grow Out Of My Fetish. Is That Possible?
Q: Luke has a question for The Cooper and Anthony Show about sex and communication. Luke has the ABDL kink, which he has shared with his wife who told him, “she thinks it’s demonic” and she wants nothing to do with it. He thinks he can’t live without it, and is wondering what to do. His wife wants him to grow out of his fetish, but is that possible?
A: In a word, no. People do not “grow out of” their kinks and fetishes. But before we get into why that is, we have to address something super important happening here. A dynamic you may not be fully aware of.
WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS KINK-SHAMING YOU
We are not into the fact that she’s kink-shaming you. You opened up about something very vulnerable and very real for you, and she called it “demonic?” That is not ok. We get that maybe she’s not into it, but to use words like that is incredibly harsh and frankly, not very loving. Had she said she just wasn’t into it, but she respects your needs to fulfill them elsewhere that is one thing, but she was downright mean.
WHY YOU CAN NOT “GROW OUT OF” A KINK OR FETISH
There’s also no way to “get rid” of or “grow out of “a fetish, despite what some people might tell you. The current science is that fetishes are usually developed in childhood and are an innate part of a person’s sexuality. Hardwired. It’s who you ARE. Similar to sexual orientation, it’s not something that can be changed. So, her rejecting your kink is her rejecting you.
NO WAY TO MAKE THIS WORK
We’re sorry, this relationship is not going to work. You should have outed yourself as an ABDL sooner. It’s not clear why you waited so long, but that is your half of this unfortunate situation. This is the equivalent of you getting married to a woman then realizing you’re gay. It’s a non-starter. If you told us that she was not into it but was cool letting you enjoy your kink with someone else or on your own, this would be a different conversation.
You need to be with a more sex-positive person who will let you be you; it doesn’t even have to be someone in the ABDL community, just someone who will love you for who you are.